Mental Graveyard

Tension
like a noose
holds me high above
a graveyard
That’s where the story
     starts
          here
above a graveyard
sort of like a mental prison
 
I sit here alone
in a house
That’s what I do
I go out
I’m alone
I stay home
I’m alone
 
Last night at an open-mike
everyone shared their struggles
onstage
I gawked at them as they mingled
off the stage
old friends
I left because it disgusted me
old friends
 
Now I’m walking
I might be driving
I’m going somewhere
anywhere
maintaining composure
what for
 
This is the story of
my life
Along broken train tracks
I walk the guilt
out of my mind
 
I sometimes feel
I’m destined to lose
I’m too sensitive to be
a man
lack the compassion
to be a woman
I’m running backwards
down these broken tracks
When I fall
I always
               fall on my face
 
I’m always leaning toward
the nothingness of life
sifting through the void
trying to find meaning
climbing out of the vortex
searching for purpose
 
In a room now
It’s a fellowship of lost,
sensitive souls
I open up my mind
become somewhat honest & willing
but where
does it end
 
I’m a magnificent being
when I try to be
but mostly I don’t care enough
to be anything but me
only I can’t fathom
this worthless reality
 
So I try to suicide
through nefarious practices
I do harm to
my mind body & soul
why
why not?
 
Sometimes I gaze in the mirror
I look myself up
& down
avoid the eyes
charge my hair
I’m naked and I
gauge my cock
my muscles are like snakes
I hate everything that I see
so I smash it up
 
and I’m back where I started
in the ashes of waste
in the fires of time
in the useless graveyard
of my mind
I’m running from the lies
falling from the sky
The past is a menace
I pretend that
doesn’t exist
The future is a relic
that is coming for me
and I try to will it away///
 
But it’s coming at me
and sooner or later
it will get me and the
tension will string me up
in a noose
that holds me
     above
          myself
That’s where the story
ends!