Obsession

Last night
I went
inside my
own head
This is where I came face to face
with
          obsession
I do everything to excess
Take love drugs and sin
I find myself walking
along the cobblestone highway
Cars are
bobbing past me full throttle
One car in particular
magnificently bright
in this darkness with no stars
no moon but the car
looks like the sun it shines
a void into the nothingness
I watch it pass
and then it stops
and I find myself lost
in my irises
Left right left right I stare
at the car as the driver
opens the door
and comes out and there she is
so beautiful her hair
it stands up like a ladder
her eyes fluffy and soft like cotton candy
She shouts: Hey, you coming
or what?
She beckons me     like a vortex
in the ground has
opened up and a forked tongue
is slithering out of it
I stop there and she keeps
beckoning me
I get in the car and again
come to the realization
that something
          is off
with this whole situation
I’m locked
in my own head
now
I know it’s a far cry
from the good and the ordinary as I
stare ahead at
the edges of my own mind
She is so beautiful like a daffodil
I want to wrap her up in
ace bandages
She drives steadily with one eye
bouncing off the window
and the other one
staggeringly bold
rolls around inside the socket
I say: Stop the frikken car!
She says; No way, dude.
My head is on fire
and suddenly I’m falling
toward the black hole inside
my own heart
I’m falling trying to grab
hold of something anything
I’m falling through
space & time
I tell you I’m a goner
but there she is again
with her hair like a ladder
and her eyes as warm
as a comforter
and that dress
so dazzlingly white
and bedazzled in fantastical glitter
I snort the sparkles with an emerald
single dollar bill
I sit on the edge of time
My head and my mind
spaced out
a razor cuts my throat
I realize then
that my heart is thumping even
faster than my fingers as I
thrum them against
my leg
I decide now that this was
just
          the way it was back then
I swallow the axe and roll
out the back door
She chases after me
Where am I going
I’m running through a portal
There are doors
all around me
I don’t know
which one to open
I stand there and wait
and watch and there she is again
The first door pops open
All that is there is a thick, black forest
and beyond that she stands
framed inside the doorway
with a dress that shines
with infinite flair
so bright my mind
immediately breaks
and all I can see is what the forest
encompasses in its blackened
state of distress
She walks into my world
and before I can gather my
newfound reason she says:
There is nothing in there
for you
Let’s go!
She holds her hand out to me and her fingers
like slithering worms
sliver around the palms
of her hands
I grip them and she kicks open
the second door and we are in
a place I like to call
the
          land of excess
We are facing it
head-on
Junkies in clown cars
ride past us wearing these
silly freemason hats
I watch in amazement
She looks at me and says:
You see that?
This should reenforce gratitude for
what you have now
But all I see now are
the glamorous tracks
of a road mainly forgotten
She says: No
Don’t do that
Stop right there
This isn’t real
My cock is hard as a sword
I stand on the ledge
that looks out
upon a dangerous path
Great thing about the edge
everyone who’s ever been there
seen it in its gloom and glory
had gone too far
to fully describe it
in the details it deserves
I’m preoccupied with this
moment I release her hand
and she screams: Nooooo
but I don’t stop
I see her vibrant reflection on
the falling raindrops
her hair like a ladder
her eyes as vicious as
a Venus fly trap
I feed it unbelievable stories
of a day when my head
felt like a hammer
Those eyes     I pet them when
I get her all to myself
but now I’m off on
another
          disturbing venture
I hop the first train and ride it
down the center of the universe