the day I turned 19
they wanted to beat me up said I narced out their friend the whole gang was there wanted to beat me up I stood my ground in my pocket I had an eight-ball I got on the train met Mindy took her to my place we lay around got drunk the following day Andrew picked me up we drove out to the Cape picked up Samantha went camping the drive was a blast never laughed so hard I didn’t know him too well we hit it off from the start ever since the day he tried to hit me with his truck on my 20th birthday a fat black chick bought me a 40 I laid her down by the river I hit a car in a rainstorm couldn’t see Ryan and Bell were there the Indians got out left their car in the center of the street six of them got out yelled but nothing happened there was no damage I parked at my place we all went to Harvard Square one year in Rutland someone gave me a cake but I only had me to share it with as I rode in the trunk of a car back to Rutland I rubbed frosting all over the interior I was so pissed then threw empty Monster cans out the window tomorrow I turn 36 I’m getting a new tattoo THE LIFE I LIVE THE CHOICES I CHOOSE closing the book on a chapter after Lethal Erection went flaccid Andrew died I got married everything’s different now when I turned 18 the Dilweed Elite played in my backyard my closest friends were there we sat around ate cake the cops came the music was too loud disturbed the neighbors Pat, Kyle, Mumbles, & Jeremy stopped by we all got covered in cake
0 Comments
Walking through
a sea of emptiness my heart beats feverishly as I shake hands with another failure I scour the sewage for an ounce of truth but the crazed clouds open fire upon my head Set fire to another dumpster where the answers lay barren The reasons for persevering are beyond me Bland smiles find me Eyes like voids peer through the dark Tendons like phony vessels rip the truth from the sky The flaming wreckage of the edge of life’s refugees pulls me into a crater The basis of rhetorical theories brought me to life again Scatological nothingness A futile solution Delusions make me feel worthy of being Dark skies rising
encompassing the small towns cities enveloped by dark clouds Then the rain comes down like bullets Cars flooded in urban lakes Drivers blinded by tidal waves descending In a crowded room an alarm goes off Everyone thinks FIRE phones jangling all at once warning of tornados and floods and heavy hurricanelike storms They laugh Not here they think The meeting commences and throughout those by the windows keep peering out at the storm that clatters and crashes against windows and doors The worst storm in 100 years says the weather channel Newscasters soaked from the head to their toes as they showcase worlds devoured in rain cars floating like boats windows smashed in people on roofs waiting to be saved It’s like the scene from a disaster movie The objects of destruction real-life natural mischief When I was 18 I carved HATRED IS PURITY into my arm (only it was more like HATRED IS PU——, because I passed out at some point during the procedure). At the time I did it to be edgy, but now I think I get it. Having passed from being a hateful cretin to an alleged loving individual (I say “alleged” because I don’t always feel like I’m there) I realize now why hatred is so pure. When you live by the gun there is no reason to stop and question your motives. As soon as you put down the gun, all the moral questions come flooding in, the inner torment that keeps us up all night, torturous dilemmas of right and wrong; but when you live by the gun, none of that matters. It’s the purest state you can be in. I yearn for that kind of purity but I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore and as long as I don’t want to cause harm, I will never reach that state again. Love causes loss and regret, hatred gives us a sense of surety, and when we know what needs to be done, without question, boy does that sound like a heavenly state///
|
Archives
January 2024
Categories
All
|