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Trust me I don’t have
any answers but I sure wish I did If I knew the secrets of why it is what it is A friend once asked me if I could have any superpower what would it be? I told him I’d hack the matrix to discover the reason for all this shit What Makes This Life Tick The Point of Existence Why Life’s Terms Can Be So Damn Oppressive This friend of mine is dead died at 20 years of age I’m just a depressed individuals going through the vapid routines of any individual on the face of this wasted sphere I can’t figure out the point of any of it We live and then we die If heaven is the point then, well, I’ll still be me for all eternity Damned to suffer at the cost of this human body Slice my throat and release my soul Let it wither and die and never come back because I don’t wish to exist in a place as confusing as this
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Disastrous conclusions
drawn from silly confusions/ Black moon
Thunder & Gloom I find salvation inside the panic room Watch me walk tonight through the waning lights When the bullets come raining down I won’t stop my plight Thirsty for adventure Hungry for disaster Falling bricks are the sounds of my rotten anthem Find me in a pit of glory a place beaming with fury Find me deep in the depth succumbing to worries Everyone has their own truths, their own demons to fight, their own mountains to climb, and their own stories to write/
Events pass us
so fast and soon become just another memory to add to our collection So don’t take things for granted the good or the bad because before you know it it’ll be gone lost to history’s void I threw the bottle in the air and swirling and spiraling it came straight down crashing on the train tracks and this guy at the scene scolded me for it, saying I can’t do that, and I said: But who? me? He threatened to call the police and me and DP took off to his house, to store the butterfly knife I had just gone and bought him since he was too young to buy one himself. I wore a black hoody with the hood pulled over my head and as we came back out and hit the streets I saw Harry over there standing by the corner next to some other kid a foot taller and I picked up my pace, straight running to meet him but in front of him was a parked cruiser. I stopped just short like a hockey stop if I were on skates and saw him talking to the black cop who I remembered hearing had opened-fire on some young kid’s car, for reasons I don’t know/—or can’t remember———or had forced myself to forget. I stayed in hearing range and ducked off to the side and listened as the cop said: “And Harry, keep your friend out of trouble, will ya?” The cruiser pulled away from the corner and I emerged from the shadows and dropped my hood and for once I knew I could do it again.
Sum 41’s
“Fat Lip” plays on the radio I’m in an Uber leaving the hospital after getting six stitches in my head I remember an old friend telling me every time he hears this song on the radio he thinks of me I’m 36 now When I was 16, maybe then it was cool Who said an adult can’t be reckless anymore? even though now it’s just pathetic I’m pathetic I am listening to Gang of Four right now. The college I went to, I chose only because the drummer of Gang of Four taught there. I didn’t like Gang of Four much at the time; they were not fast & aggressive enough to hook my ADD-riddled mind. I sat in the intake and the woman I met with could tell I listened to Punk rock. She asked me if I knew Gang of Four. I said yes. She told me the drummer taught here. Right away I was onboard. At this college is where I had met Andrew, who later became the guitarist of my old band, Lethal Erection. I went to this college for three weeks before I dropped out. Andrew went four. It was only a mere detour in my life, but a very important detour because this is where I met my best friend. I wonder about the choices we make, the reason we make these choices, our motivations and whatnot. If that woman had never told me the drummer of Gang of Four taught there, I would have gone a different way. My band had recently broken up and there was this Indian guy named Rohan who had answered my Craig’s List ad about needing a new guitarist. Rohan and I hung out a bit; he took me to this party where artsy kids drank keg cups and talked about existentialism. It was quite boring for me; I didn’t want to talk, I wanted to live—I wanted adventure excitement & romance. Rohan showed me this band called Gang of Four but I didn’t really like them very much; but now I knew who they were and when I went to that intake, the woman asked me if I knew Gang of Four and I said yes and I chose to go to that school, where I met Andrew and we stuck together like glue….
I get a phone call. It’s my friend.
He tells me he’s got a hexagon he needs to get rid of. Meet him at Walmart in 15 minutes. He’s selling it to me for a discounted price. I could never make it there in 15 minutes, I tell him. You have to, he says. Or the deal is off. Ride your bike, he suggests. My bike? Do you know how cold it is outside? I don’t care. 15 minutes. No later/// I hurriedly throw on my jacket my hat my gloves go outside and lunge onto the bike seat slam the pedals standing and pumping as fast as I can/ I turn go straight turn go straight faster faster faster. It’s a race against time. It’s the middle of the night. Cars shoot past in blurred lines. I gotta go faster and faster. Cars whizz past me. I cross the street and I get hit by a car\\\ I go flying over the handlebars. Hit the ground. Because of my jacket I stay mostly unscathed. Hop back on the bike and go >>> A man says: Are you okay? I ignore him. You got hit pretty hard. I slam the bike into gear and start forward when the man says: He stopped||| Pointing at the guy who had hit me. He stopped to see if you’re okay. This is a nightmare. I don’t care about this. Are you okay? I tell them both that I’m good. I gotta go. I’m in a rush. They watch me as I hurry past them. I don’t look both ways when I cross the street. My friend says that was a close one. He was just about to leave. He was going to give someone else the deal. Sorry, dude. I got hit by a car. Took me by surprise. He sells me the hexagon and I smile. In Harvard Square
we drink beer and whiskey I wander in&out of my own special realm I have music that shoves a nasty spike into the veins of life She loses her shoes All night she walks around without shoes The two of them flirt at the back of the train I tell the girl to come to New York City with me and my friend next weekend She’s younger than me by a few years I think I’m in love with this new face or maybe she tells me no I say whatever I’ll find someone else to go The two of them are still at the back of the train flirting like this is the best place to be I forget this girl I can’t remember her name The train shudders I swagger to the exit Step down and fall through the ground I see through the void the train driver staring down at me The doors shut and all the passengers watch as I lie there mangled I pull myself up too sick to cry The next morning I feel so much pain like my skin had been torn off and what’s left is blood & bones my veins pumping on overdrive |
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