20 years past

I sit here
in the dark
listening to the roar
of the faraway ocean
I feel like
something’s missing
like I’m yearning for
that ache in the bottom of
my stomach
to dissipate
Forever foreboding
it’s a youthful silence
corroborated by
the day before last
 
Prior to this
I crammed myself
into a tunnel
as the black sky cried
I flew
for once in a while
The turbulence sang
a delicate lullaby
The fat man leered
He seemed comfortable crushed
into a gaping cube
 
I remember a day
when the turbulence of the sky
felt like surfing
a rainbow
so unpredictable I thought about terror
and spoke of violence
to a crowd
that lacked sensibility
 
This is why
the daily party
with a theme of a shooting star
a power like mania
and a rod of angst
I became one with
a vile-like tantrum
 
I’m bored while
Michelle sleeps
It’s not usually this way
She’s usually the one
with wide-eyed confidence
that comes to extremes
after the roosters hit the hay
And I’ll be damned
if I don’t snore like a chainsaw
while her resentments grow fierce
 
Tonight I sit alone beneath
a fizzy delusion
that makes my eyes water
and my stomach ache
I search for one final reason
as to why it is
in being alone
I feel so much pain
 
I dread the usual solitude
of a tormented writer
In my recollection I swing like
an ape
my arms bulge out and my stomach
draws a little oh
that shows in my eyes
I’m so annoyed that I’m not
surfing a rainbow
or swimming
with piranhas
But I’ll tell you
I miss it
all the wasted days when I cocked
the bow and shot the arrows
through several lanes
of desire
Hit the target dead-on
I was so wasted then
 
 
20 years ago I was here
I had no fears
And I watched as my normal inhibitions
lay down their barriers
and let me indulge