Today I saw the light
as I drove through layers of consciousness/ I was very tired this morning I’m practically deaf save for the ringing and the Punk rock that has found its home inside my head At times I listen to the ringing while I watch the neighbors fuck through their windows But it did not sound like fucking Perhaps they were screaming or perhaps it was just me staring at a blank wall so repulsive I turn up the volume in my head In the moonlight everything became undone Someone had broken into my car while we did not sleep In the morning I was disrupted by the smell of cigarette smoke and the sight of peanut butter cookies At night I often awaken I’m adrift, lost in furious dreams Some might call it terror I call it relativity for I’d much rather my terror than yours You thought I didn’t see you You were dancing in my rearview mirror I should be there with you I stop the car and go home We fuck while the neighbors watch through the windows They heard us screaming Fighting Then we evaporate I realize I don’t remember what she said to me in the bowels of anger only how she felt when I put her down That smile It’s infuriating I hate myself I’m driving through the forest of thought The maple tree it looks like passion The branches like hair scratch out my eyes A library of light I know nothing of nature The ignorance is haunting I should know more but I know nothing of peace Only turmoil I crash the car into a bush but it was a tree I’m lying in a field I go to sleep My toes tingle My fingers shake My legs hurt My mind aches I yell at my brain for its ignorance I watch as my eyes fall out of their sockets But then I step out into darkness I feel free because nothing can touch me here except for.. except for the dark I’m afraid of the dark I try to tell you how each day is different I write it on your biceps in a language you won’t understand It will be beautiful but indecipherable like all things beautiful I will walk with you through the dark Thump thunk thud, you’ll see I hope to stop feeling this way I wish to never fall out of love like has happened too often I want to be free of self-doubt The first time I ever felt free was the first time I rode my bike Until I fell Then I got back up I pedaled down Upland Ave with a scraped knee and a bump on my head
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